A True Texan Who Learned Grit Alone Wasn't Enough For A Full Life with Victor Bretting | 262

Max Nijst: Welcome to the Fearless Happiness Podcast, where we showcase phenomenal individuals who have overcome serious traumas, life obstacles, and challenges to find their own path to fearless happiness. Listen as Max Naist invites guests from all around the world to share their experiences and spread strength, hope, and faith. This is the Fearless Happiness Podcast. And this is Max Naist. All right, everybody. Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, wherever you are in this world. This is Max from the Fearless Happiness Podcast, coming back to you. Yes, I always say it because it's true. Again with another special and amazing guest. So today I have Victor Bretting joining me. But what I like to do, Victor, is have you introduce yourself to the audience, like who you are, what it is you do, and then you and I are gonna rock and roll. Sounds great. Well, appreciate again being being on your show. Thank you so much. So ⁓ I'm an eighth generation Texan. ⁓ we're we're part of the original three hundred settlers that Stephen F. Austin gave land grants to about eighteen forty two. So proud proud Texans. So I think we we can talk about that a little bit, you know, quietly, but w we can do it. That's right. And ⁓ been in construction for this year'll be fifty years. ⁓ started out at a nuclear power plant when When I was nineteen years old and there's a story there, we'll we'll get into it. My wife and I were gonna retire, so we we moved out of the D FW Metroflex to a little town called Alney and kinda was gonna s ⁓ have a ranch just really for retirement. It really was for nothing more than that. And met a couple of gentlemen at a outdoor show, which we'll get into that kind of changed the direction of the ranch. And the the book that I wrote, The Man That I Would Become, really was for my grandkids, ⁓ trying to hopefully leave a legacy of who I was and what I became when When my mom passed, you know, you you kinda start losing some of your legacy, like who's Uncle Charlie? And you know, there's nobody to talk to. There's ⁓ there's no family reunion. So you you kinda lose something. So I I wrote the book. Honestly, it was it was for my grandkids and and had a bunch of people reach out to me and it's you know, it's start talking about some deeper issues, you know, about men and the things we bear and what we don't talk about and how I was raised. So all that kind of, you know, ties in together and We've had some episodes on ⁓ the Sportsman channel and ⁓ My Outdoor TV. We've got a series coming up called ⁓ The Manage Wild Texas, which is gonna be on My Outdoor TV as a streaming series. So a lot of things happen, but my moral of the story is the hub is the ranch 'cause that's where the giving comes from. I love it. I love it, right? 'Cause ⁓ well, you know the the the show Yellowstone, right? So now the wife and I are into Dun Ranch, right? Now that it's in Texas. ⁓ but yeah, I have I have a funny story, right? So I have an aunt aunt and uncle, God rest their souls, that lived on the near the Gulf, right? In a little town. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. It's called West Columbia. Yes, sir. Okay. It actually, from what I hear, what they taught me was it used to be the state capital of Texas, way back, right? So you gotta imagine. I I love my aunt and uncle, they were the best, right? Because so they're Dutch Indonesian. ⁓ wow. So they have a Dutch accent with a Texas accent. So mix the two. And it was I'd always love hearing my aunt 'cause my aunt would speak Dutch and then she would speak in it was like there's the Dutch, right? Then she'd start speaking English and there's the Texas 'cause they they were there they've been there like I think ⁓ my cousins all live in Houston now. They're their kids, ⁓ 'cause their oldest ⁓ worked for Delta and retired in their I guess Houston is the hub for Delta. So, you know, listening to them when we would talk, right, with their I'd love it. I you know what I mean. And my uncle, he got into this crazy little side ⁓ what do you call hobby, right? He'd go 'cause he would go collect water moccasins, rattlesnakes, right? And had this whole little shed that was all poisonous snakes. ⁓ man. Right. And I I'd go see him, but he, you know, you want me to pull one out? I go, No. You're I will trust that you know what you're doing, but you don't need to show me, right? And you know, I I've been to the Dallas Fort Worth area. I belong to a a group that was out there. I don't participate in it much anymore. But I had a lot of fun and and I'll have a lot of friends from Texas that are in that area. But like you, I got it's cool. I get to talk to someone who's got like some serious history in Texas, right? But what I like to do, ⁓ Victor, is is go back. And you know, talk about your early life, right? Some of the challenges you went through. Like 'cause working in construction is, you know, for as long as you have, that's to me, that's awesome, right? 'Cause there's a lot of guys I know, right, that it looks like you've done it the right way, but I know some guys that like they have their backs are shot out and and you know what I mean, and just had a rough time. But to last that long, I mean, that tells me a lot. But talk about those early struggles, all those challenges that have shaped who you are today. Well, thank you. Well it it kind of starts out with my mom. My ⁓ my dad really wasn't present. ⁓ they got divorced when I was ten and he passed when I was sixteen and had a little brother and little sister and they were eight and ten years younger than me, so you know, I I became the man of the house, you know, trying to trying to help my mom. So my mom had grit. She had integrity, she had drive. ⁓ put in sixty, seventy, eighty hours a week, whatever it took, you know, never never letting us suffer, you know, for what it was. So, you know, I inherited I inherited that, which when I thought when I was younger was was a positive, right? And she put me in sports. ⁓ always was involved in in sports. ⁓ so the team aspect taught me something too, about don't let somebody down, right? People expect something of you, so you know, you kinda do it. So I I'll I gave you the the funny story. So the the funny story about my mom's grit is ⁓ I've I basically lost my ⁓ I hurt my neck and and lost my scholarship. ⁓ from college. So came home, right, had a one point six, so they didn't want me back. No, I couldn't beg my way back in. And you know, school wasn't my thing anyways. It was really the sports was the deal. So anyway, I'm sitting on the couch and I see my my suitcase go by with my mom. ⁓ okay. You know, so the next thing I know she goes, Can I have your car keys? I said, Well, you know, maybe she just needs some gas so she's gonna use my car, right? Well she calls me outside, so Yeah, yeah, yes, ma'am. She goes, Well she handed my keys, handed me twenty bucks. She said, Well tell me where you land. What? No, tell tell me where you land. You're not staying here. I got your little brother and sister to take care of. You're not sitting on my couch. I said, Whoa, okay, here we go. Here's the real world. So ⁓ I got a buddy. We ended up on a that nuclear power plant down in Bay City. ⁓ and I remember it's about the sixth or seventh day out there, you know, and the the hiring manager came out and he said, ⁓ son, you can't stay here. I said, Sir, I have I'm down to bread, cheese, and water. And I have no gas. I said, So you're have to hire me. So Monday morning he comes out and hires me and there's fifty years of construction. I love it. You know, we have a lot in common, right? Because my mom I'm a mama's boy too, right? Because my mom and dad divorced when I was five. Dad passed when I was eleven. So he was never really around. And I learned my work ethic from mom 'cause she did this I I your mom sounds like mine, did the same thing, did whatever it took to make sure that we had everything we needed and wanted, pretty much, right? And showed us through her examples, right? Of how you take care of people, right? So but and but on the other side too, we had a big family, right? Like my mom's side, lots of cousins, and even my dad's side, but a lot of them were in, you know, Holland and stuff. But like on my mom's side, you know, there's my five older brothers and sisters and then tons of cousins, right? So but I that's where some of my challenges, right? It was survival of the fittest with all the cousins, right? You had to Talk about fight your way to the top, right? But ⁓ you know, I I I love your story, right? Because my mom did something similar when I graduated high school, right? I I graduated with a 1.7, barely graduated, right? You beat me, you're not fair. But she saw this path I was on, right? And I remember coming home and s you know, I passed out, slept most of the weekend away, and she came in and I remember her just like laying into me, you're not doing you're not doing this. You have three choices. And I'm like, God, ⁓ man. Well, I'm I'm hungover, mom. Please leave me alone. Right. Yeah. And she's all no. She's ⁓ you got three choices work full time, go to school full time, or work part-time and go to school part-time, but you're not gonna do this. If not, you're out. Like, pretty much gave me an ultimatum, and I'm like, man, what am I gonna do? So I joined the Navy. But I'm that excites me to hear some more of your story, right? So I know that fifty years in construction, that's right, a challenge in itself, right? Because of sometimes the economy, right? You got the ups and downs. What was that like, right? In helping you stay focused on, you know, building the life you wanted. Well, it was ⁓ it was one of those things kinda where we started out with mom gave me was, you know, ten, but My philosophy in life is God gives you tens, but there's a one on the opposite side of that, right? You can't march and take the hill and and have no conscience and have empathy. You they don't they don't go together, right? So my struggles ⁓ were never in my my business life, right? I I knew how to take the hill. I knew how to march it and I had the drive, I had the determination. But my personal relationships just suffered because I could I could never give away my heart. I just I couldn't. Right. I didn't even know how. Maybe it's a maybe it's the right word. And so the the part of the book is the journey. The journey of here's what made me successful in my business life. But it's it was terrible in my personal life. Meant through more than one divorce, you know. So ⁓ so here comes Rhonda, which is my wife today. And ⁓ that's where the the transformation started. Let me back up a little bit too. What my mom instilled in me too was my faith. Right. She ⁓ she put me in a Lutheran church school from when I was in kindergarten till sixth grade. Right. Then she wanted me to get basically into, you know, the the regular cycle of life. Right. She knew I needed to be in that. So so I was grounded in faith. Now that doesn't mean I didn't drift like you know what for, you know, twenty, thirty years trying to figure everything out and you I got this, right? I'm a man. Right. Well, so anyways, Rhonda comes into my life and you know, she was ⁓ divorced for eight years, raising her two boys by herself, right? And ⁓ strong woman. Right. Same thing, kinda like my mom. And I I remember we had a conversation one time and she told me she goes, You know, you need to go be by yourself. What? No, you need to go you need to go be by yourself. You need to figure yourself out. Well, what's wrong with me? Well, first off is you gotta learn how to care. You know, so in this journey I remember, I mean, to the day I remember my kids came to me and they said, You need to say that again. I go, Well, what are you talking about? She go, Well, you said I feel. Dad, you never say I feel, you say I think. So that transformation was slowly coming to where, you know, you could cut my neck off and I wasn't gonna cry. It just wasn't gonna happen, right? I'm a man. But now look at a good movie and freaking cry like a baby. You know? But I've learned I still have my masculinity. I'm still a man. I'm gonna take care of my family. I'm gonna come in a room and I'm gonna command the room to the best of my ability. But you know what? I care, I have empathy, I think, and that's where the giving started coming. I finally was able to understand really what it meant to give and the appreciation that you get more from giving than you do from taking. So that's a little transformation story. See, and I I love that, right? Because we're a lot alike more than you think, right? Because we probably come from that generation, right? Like you said, you well, one, we had the example of mom, right? Mom who played mom and dad. And trust me, like my mom was tough. And I mean as sure as your mom was, right? 'Cause I have a funny story. Like when I was 13, I had about like three friends over, right? And we're all out front and my mom said to go do something. And I looked at my friends like, watch this. I'm gonna tell her, I'm gonna tell her who's boss now, right? Well, let's just say everybody, that did not go well for me. As my friends were running down the street going, We'll see you later, Max, right? So imagine what was happening, right? I got my butt handed to me, right? And like I that was the last time I ever did that, right? ⁓ but I like what you said too though, because we also come from the generation of that side, like where the men, right? Even though we didn't have fathers, I had uncles and stuff where I saw where it's like you didn't show emotion, you didn't talk about your feelings, you didn't, you know, you sucked as they say, you sucked it up, buttercup, and you kept going, right? And you you do what you gotta do. So guys like you and I, right, we're that I think that last generation where we s we have like part of that, right? Most of it is that, right? And then we We, you know, God blesses us with these relationships where the women go, we're gonna make a change. Whether I mean, not telling us, but they show us, right? And 'cause my wife, too, my current wife, right? She raised three kids by herself and was tough and from what I hear, right? Very tough as nails, did a lot, didn't ask for much help, and just wanted to show like I can take care of these kids, right? But ⁓ You know, I think guys like you and I have to have I think that's a divine intervention on on our part, right? Like God says here I'm he ⁓ watch, yeah the I'm sure you've heard this saying, right? If you want to hear God laugh, tell them your plans, right? So I had some I had some things happen, I'm like, I'm never gonna get back in a relationship ever again, right? And then like you, your wife showed up, you know, you're and so how has that been, right? So, cause you know it's not an overnight process, right? So you start hearing this feedback. What was that like to start changing into that empathetic, caring, loving, yet tough husband and father? Yeah, it it was a struggle. I mean, I you know, so we all know that change is hard. We all know that when things get tough, you go back in your comfort zone. So it's a constant roller coaster going back and forth. And, you know, I I think I think what helped me in some of my changes about twenty years in my career, 'cause, you know, I was I was a good superintendent, but I'd I was probably also a meme superintendent at some point in time of my life, right? So ⁓ my boss at the time, ⁓ sent me up to school for a week and he said, Victor, if you're gonna become an executive in my organization, you're you're gonna have to learn some things. And that's all he said. So he ⁓ sent me up to the school and ⁓ it was it was a battery, like it was ten different tests, right? It was all three sixty type stuff, you know. And So you you get to hear the positives first, right? You I'd march with him anywhere, he takes the hill, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then you get the other part which says little Hitler. You don't listen. God gave you two ears and one mouth, shut up. Right. It was it was pretty vicious, you know. So at that point in your life, you only have two choices. You either say they're liars, you know what I'm talking about, or you have to start having something that says, I have to admit, right? So it's like the a a ten step program for alcoholics or whatever. You will never get any better until you admit there's a problem. Right. So I had to admit there was a problem. So I at least had a little that transition kind of going on earlier on on my business side. So when I was confronted by my wife on my personal side, I I don't mean it was easy, but at least I had a clue. I had a clue that, okay, there's something there. So what am what am I missing? You know, and ⁓ you know, she she just, you know, she kept she kept pushing me. You know, she kept on saying, kept on saying, you know, and I never I never appreciated, to be honest with you, I never appreciated what lo a good woman and love from a good woman really meant. You know, I was so afraid just to let my heart go and now I'd die if she died. I mean, it's just like she's a part of my life. I don't know what I'd do without her. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I I on every level I could relate, right? 'Cause ⁓ until this marriage, right, like I'm like, wow, this is what it's about, right? Because I have mentors and and like a sponsor, right, in my 12-step program. And he's seen me go through some relationships, and he's always like, Max, it shouldn't be that hard. Right. But I like it, but I'm gonna let you do what you gotta do, right? I'm like, ⁓ yeah, whatever, right? And this one is he, it I I would shouldn't say it's easy, but it is easy. And what I mean by that is. We we communicate, right? I'm learning to be a better communicator, right? To tell her how I feel instead of just thinking, you know, that assuming well we're married, you should know this by now, right? And they look at you just like we look at them when they try to, you know, you should understand me. And you go, ⁓ well, can't read minds, honey. You gotta tell me, right? But I like it. It sounds like your wife they lead by example, right? So they tell us, right, and it's kind of their way saying, This is how you should do it. This is how I'm gonna understand you. Right. Which in turn makes you and I a better husband, a better father, a better grandfather, right? Because, you know, I'm like you. I want to leave a l a lasting legacy with my children and grandchildren. And it's not like the money thing and having a lot of things, but you know, having them look back and say, Well, grandpa, you know, he meant what he said, he said what he meant, and he did what he said he was gonna do when he said he was gonna do it. Right. And and loved us, all of us, right? And and always loved on us and had fun and and you know but you and I are perfect examples. You're never too old to learn something new and change, right? And and I was doing this thing today and I it it came to mind because my wife and w and I went to go see that ⁓ new Michael Jackson movie, right? Mm-hmm. And ⁓ and then on the other day the song comes on, right? The Man in the Mirror that he wrote. And that's What we're you and I are gonna doing, right? Cause that's what we all have to do as human beings, right? Is look at the person in the mirror. That's where the change is gonna start, right? And if you wanna make the change, you know, you gotta start with you. And that's what it sounds like you did like cause I know in the construction, I've worked for a few superintendents where I I get it, right? Like I wanted to throw my shovel at them, right? Cause they weren't the the kind of people that you come across, right? Like when you're on the job, but away from the job, it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, right? Like, wow, where did you go? Like this is a new person. But, you know, I I know in in your case there's l deadlines and all that stuff. It's it's a learning process, right? So as you as you are learning this, right, to become more empathetic, compassionate and what it sounds like and a caring human being, how does that how How does that play out in your family with your stepsons and and your grandkids and everybody around you now? They they they talk about change. You know, you're not the same person, Dad, you know, who you used to be. I mean, it's it's it's evident to them. ⁓ it's more what really has changed for me in that part of that giving and that caring is when we got the ranch. That story is that we got the ranch and then I met a couple of people. So we were at an outdoor show, you know, 'cause my wife and I have ⁓ Been a hunter and a huntress all of our life. We've been to five different, you know, countries and or continents, sorry. And there's 141 different trophies on the wall, right? So that that's what we did, right? That was our experience together. So we're at an outdoor show in Wichita Falls, the biggest town north of us. And ⁓ my daughter came up, man, she was just all excited. She had a couple flyers and she goes, Dad, you got you got to talk to these people. I said, ⁓ okay. You know, so I went over there and I met Gordon Melton. Well, that was hunting with soldiers. ⁓ he's been helping combat veterans with PS ⁓ PTSD for twenty years. So the next person I went was Casey Allen, State Director of Cross Trail Outfitters, which is an outdoor faith youth program. Those two changed my path in my life that I didn't really understand. So instead of the ranch being about our retirement, it's about giving. So to date we've given away sixty four donated hunts basically to them to to ⁓ we've had done ⁓ some terminal ill kids, which, you know, my wife, she She cries. I told her it's not about you, babe. You you just you're gonna have to learn to suck it up. This ain't about you, right? But you know it is the the emotions. I mean she just cares so much. So, anyways, that Purple Heart Veterans. So the ranch today is about giving. It's not about anything more than everything I try to do channels back into the ability to be able to give back. And the more the ranch can do and the more the ranch can generate, the more I can give back. See, and that's proof, right? You get more from giving than you get from getting, right? Absolutely. You know, I I can just imagine you wake up, you know, ⁓ I I hate to say it with you know I don't hate to say it, but I would think it's true, like a with a pep in your step, right? Because you're doing something positive for the people around you, which in turn, right, fuels you right. Cause it sounds like me, you're living in purpose on purpose. And I love that, right? 'Cause that's it's what I try to do every day. That's why I try to teach the people that I, you know, are help teach the people that are, you know, I help get sober and stuff like that. Right. Because I always tell them, I go, You're a child of God and God doesn't make junk. So you need to, you know, let's work on finding what your purpose is, whatever that is, right? And it's funny s sometimes they're in, you know, the detox or residential phase and they'll I want to work in treatment. And that's the only time I go, No, let's not even focus on that right now. Nope. Let's focus on you. Cause, you know, I got that from my sponsor. I remember I was after my last relapse, I was thirty days sober, right? And I had a friend who had Ben at the facility I was, right? And we went to the same meeting and he came rolling in on his Harley with his backpack, right? He's sitting on his bike smoking, you know, remind me of the Marlboro man that made cigarette smoking look way cool, right? And his name was Ben. I go, Ben, what are you doing? He goes, I'm just finishing up school. I'm gonna become a certified counselor pretty soon. And I remember my sponsor was standing there, I go, I'm gonna be a counselor. He goes, No, you're not. Not yet. I'll tell you when. And I was like Right. But I I I promised him after that, you know, I got beat up. It was one day, but anyway, I told him I'll do whatever you suggest, you know. And he looked at me and I said, Okay, okay, I'll wait. Right. And I did. I worked on myself for the next two years. I finished my steps, right? Started giving back in any way I could. And what I mean by that, just a little thing, like taking people to meetings. I didn't have a ride, right? Going to a meeting, help cleaning up the meeting afterwards and you know, stuff like that. So I get it, right? And I and So I knew this conversation was gonna be a great conversation, right? So ⁓ yeah, we could go in so many directions. ⁓ yeah. Yeah, Victor. So but let's talk about your book a little bit, right? What was the ⁓ the thing that got you wanting to write this book? So then tell kind of tell us about it. Well, thank you. So it was kind of like we started out a little bit. It was really trying to let my grandkids and their kids and whatever kind of understand, you know, because Like you said, when I lost my mom, she had ⁓ she had a map like of our ancestry. I can't find it. So it's just tearing me up and it's kinda like, you know, you're lost. So that kind of led to, okay, d do ⁓ are my grandkids really gonna know me other than, you know, maybe I'm a loving granddad? Do they really know what it means to persevere through life? Maybe I can give ⁓ a roadmap. Maybe I can tell ⁓ what happened to me and where I was. And I'll be honest, man, when you write a book like that, you look yourself in the eyes and you go, Am I gonna lie or am I gonna tell the truth? Some of that was really hard to say, you know, because now not only do I know anybody that gets the book knows. So let's tell the world, right, about my problems. And then you realize, you know what? It's not your problem. It's basically what you've fixed. And that's what I kind of get back from a lot of folks right now is y this book has nothing in there, even though it's got things that I've done or required. That's not what the book is about. It is the journey of the book and how you persevere through and you get through issues and problems and which makes you a better man in the end. That's kind of thing. So written written really for my my grandkids. ⁓ as I realized and people have reached out to me, they said there's a story there. Then I started relaying that kind of back to men's issues, right? ⁓ and here's a fact that I had no earthly idea I knew until I started researching my last company. The su the suicide the most suicide deaths are in construction, not in the military and not in all the places you would think. So things kind of started dinging in my head like, okay If I can get a platform, then that's something we can talk about. We can talk about that, you know, as a man, like we talked about, it's okay to cry, it's okay to have emotions, and you can still be a man. But the thing is, you have to talk, right? I know I know myself. And if you and I have conversations about something, I usually feel better about it. And maybe I've even solved my problem because we had a conversation about I'm going, ⁓ well, I I I never looked at that. So if you and I can sit and have conversations about that and tell everybody it's okay, there's There's nothing worth dying for. There's always solutions. God will help you. People will help you reach out. Then then we've done something good in our lives. So that's where the book is starting to transform into the story of how you can get through something instead of just something that I'm giving back to my grandkids. I love it. Right. Story about resilience and perseverance. And I yeah, we were a lot alike, my friend. I love it, right? Because that's ⁓ Right. We need more men like you in the world, right? Like and what I mean by that, everybody, like I bet you he's tough as nails, but he's also very loving, caring, and you know, empathetic, like we're talking about, right? And it that for instance, right, like I'm sure you'll agree with me, like I have learned, right, that asking for help is a sign of strength, right? Because then that I I give that person I'm asking help. The opportunity to be of service to me and vice versa, right? And in that process, right? Because I know you, you know, a time in your life, right? There was probably times like, nope, not asking for help. I'm gonna figure it out, do it myself, if it kills me, kind of attitude, right? Yes, sir. And ⁓ you know, and and you know, what I've learned from some of the toughest men that I know on the planet, right? Like even vulnerability is a sign of strength, right? And when I heard that from them, it was like, D did you relapse or something? Do we need to have a talk? Right. Like, I know where you came from. You know, and they're like, Yeah, I just told you that. Right. And then I realized that too, you know, like it you're if we're gonna leave a legacy like you and I want to leave for our grandchildren, right? We gotta show that side to them, right? Not just the tough side, but everything that grandpa is about, right? And that's why I'm so honored you're here today, right? Because You know, we may have a little conversation after this if you have time, because I want to pick your brain on some things. But you know, I'm still learning. I may be a grandpa too, but it's like sometimes I'm like, ooh, you know, have you ever hit those walls where you go, ⁓ that hurt. ⁓ I need to learn. But see, like you, I at least you and I, it sounds like are open to learning something different, right? Like they said, if you you run into a wall, find a way around it, or get a ladder and go over it, right? Yeah, I was I was always get out of my way 'cause I'm gonna go through it. And then after I almost broke my neck several times, well that was stupid. Right. What what's that old saying, right? I can't remember what the saying is, but ⁓ the people that want to keep doing the same thing over and over again. I won't call them stupid, but there's some word they use in there. ⁓ yeah. Doing the same thing over the Albert Einstein, right? Doing the same thing over and over again, that's insanity. And expect it and it's a competition. That's it. Insanity, right? I've been there. I ran my head into that wall and hurt my neck many times. Right. And going out. You know when you got that big lump like in cartoons and you ⁓ yeah, that hurt out. Yeah, that was that was good. I can't even put my cap on now. But ⁓ you know, like I said, I'm honored you're here and I'm glad you're here. Like this one's for the guys, right? Like this is for us men who want to be better for our families and you know, the people that we associate with, right? And be that example, right? 'Cause I believe that I was taught, you know, and I believe it now is that we have to lead by example if we're gonna do something, right? Especially us grandpas, right? We gotta lead by example. We can't be one way like when no one's looking and then, ⁓ you know, everybody's looking now, you know, ⁓ now look at Max, right? He's he's awesome, right? You know, but I love being human. I loved, you know, like you said, right? The only step and and this is not a thing to push any 12 steps, everybody. I'm just being brought up an example. But the only thing that I've learned is that step one for me is the only step I have to do perfect every day. Right. And what I well, like you said, I have to wake up and admit I'm the problem. And if I don't think I'm the problem, there's no solution. I'm not going to come up with a solution, right? And and it sounds like you, you're a solution focused guy, right? That if something happens, right, you're going to think of okay, this What did I learn? What can I do different? And we're going to change this. Absolutely. Cause an effect. Cause an effect, right? And then, you know, like and then I I sincerely mean that we need more guys like you out in this world, right? Because, you know, a lot of us need guys that I look up to, right? That have been through the trenches and it's, you know, technically still are in our lives, right? Because we're grandpas. Right. Cause when you got little granddaughters that want to play and you can't say, I know, I don't feel good today, right? You gotta, you gotta. You gotta go for it. Step up and go, what do you want to play, honey? Yeah. Right. And luckily they haven't played dress up with me yet. I was fixed to say I haven't got lipstick and ruse, so I'm okay. So we're good. Yeah, we're good, right? My masculinity. Right. All right. So talk about without giving the whole book away, right? Talk about like some of the details of the book, right? Or some of the things in the book that are important that you the audience might find like educational, important to learn, you know, something they can learn from. I like to always do that. Well, one is you know, kind of leadership in ⁓ in the quiet time, right? Part of the book is so you mentioned again about construction and kind of rising through the ranks. Well, if you're gonna rise through the ranks, you gotta do bigger jobs. You you don't you're not gonna do a bigger job in your backyard. So you're on the road. So you're away from your family a lot of times. So You know, when you're when you're leading, sometimes that that silence can either be deadly or it can be something you're reflecting on and change. And silence is deadly sometimes, right? Because if you really think about it in life, if I don't give you ⁓ say, ⁓ something to do or or a solution to a problem, what are you gonna do? You're gonna make up your own answer and it's usually negative. It's not normally positive. So if you sit there about us men when we're sitting there in leadership and we're sitting there in science, it's never we're whenever we're thinking about these positive things, it's like, well, Did he really mean like ⁓ hey, go to you know what? Or or did he really mean he wasn't gonna gonna come help? What did he really mean? So your mind just starts going in these negative roles. So leadership and silence, I learned, is is deadly. And you have to learn to control that thought pattern that you've got in your mind. So that's one of the things you'll you'll see part of in the book. You know, you'll see the transformation again. And what you're gonna see is the transformation came from faith. Yes, I give my wife credit. But it but it's a faith that my mom put instilled into me, right? You know, God put me on this path of giving right now. I didn't know what I was doing. I met two people. Okay, well, next thing you're going, you're going, you wake in one and go, ⁓ okay, God, I get it. ⁓ okay, this is where you want me to go. So I think it's a faith-based book, right? It's about striving to perseverance. It's about understanding what true leadership really means. You you you said something that I believe wholeheartedly. I never lead from the back. I lead from the front. My my saying is toes and tongues. If my mouth is wagging, my toes better be following. So so you and I are, like I said, what you keep saying, I resonate with 100% because as a leader, you don't you don't sit on your ivory tower and tell somebody what to do. That's not how you do it. I've always said, I will get your respect because I'm going to get your respect first. Now, if I hand you the olive branch and it comes back and the and the ⁓ the rose petals are picked off and so's the deal and so's all the little leaves, and you've left me thorns. The fight's probably gonna be on. But I will always give you that opportunity, right, to to help. So to me, that's where this masculinity and help comes back in. I'm not gonna let you run over me. Now it doesn't have to be rude to you. And and I I'll tell you another thing about you'll see in the book in leadership, and that's being honest. You ain't gotta be brutally honest, but I I don't I don't lie to people. If you come ask me a question, I always tell them, be very careful, because I'm gonna give you the answer. Be careful what you ask. The next thing I'm gonna tell them, you ask me one, I'm asking you two back. So be prepared. This is a conversation that we're going back and forth because good leaders ask questions. They don't just tell people, they ask a bunch of questions so they can get things done. So those are kind of little little snippets, but it it's a good leadership book. It's a good a good book on how you survive and ⁓ with your faith. It's a good book on perseverance, grit, and you know, I I I want to give the credit, you know, where it's due. And that's that's to my Lord Savior, that is to my wife, and it's to my mom. I love it. I love it. 'cause ⁓ there's not enough. We need I mean, I've learned that there's leading from the front, also being a servant leader, right? Where you're, you know what I mean? And I learned that from my faith, right? Being a servant leader. Sometimes I don't say I lead from the back, but I'll let people do what they need to do, right? And but be there ⁓ in case they need the help. You know what I mean? Because I I One of the things or one of my favorite quotes and I was just talking about this today is from Jesse Jackson, right? Is you should never ever never look down on anyone unless you're helping them up. Right. Yes, sir. And and and that's, you know, I've learned from some very awesome men and women in my life, right? In my recovery, like what that looks like. So right, there's sometimes I have to let, you know, my older, my adult children do their thing, right? And and lead from the back. Even though you like you and I know as grandpas, right? Boom. I know this guy. I'm gonna I I I I'm you know, I don't wanna say I told you so, but I told you so, right? Yeah. Yes, sir. It's and and ⁓ what was I gonna say? There's another thing I learned too is ⁓ you know, hanging around guys like you is It just now my mind went blank. See what I told you? My C R S is getting bad. I can see the gray is coming. Yeah. It's trying. Yeah. If I keep this short up here, I don't want everybody to see it. ⁓ but I took my cap off you'd see mine, so there you go. But I mean we ⁓ I mean that's because I'm studying the Bible more now, right? And you know, studying the the word and and by no means is this ⁓ A religious podcast or anything, but I love all the topics that come up with from the guests that I get to talk to, right? And faith is seems to be the biggest thing amongst all my guests, right? Everything that brought them back to where they are now, to like you helping others and being of service, right? All comes from having that faith, right? Believing in something greater than themselves. And, you know, you and I have proof all around us, right? Like I go to Texas. Right. And I see proof. I just look how big that state is. I'm like, yeah. God really loved this state. You know what I mean? He does. He blesses us every day. Yeah. And you know what I mean? I know God's, you know, here too because of the great guests. And I've had this is fighting. I have one coming up on Friday. So a few of you from different parts of Texas. So I love it, right? I love it. I love it. and you know, but in this journey, you know, you and I, I think you'll agree, right? We know that you're gonna hit challenges, right? We're not gonna be perfect, right? And but what I I try to teach, and I'm putting this course together from my second book, you know, it kind of goes hand in hand that I wrote, is right, no matter what happens, right, you can get through life's toughest challenges, you know, whatever it doesn't matter what it is. And it's not geared towards people that it's for anybody, right? That wants to basically move from survival mode into thrive mode and and you know, and and service is a big part of it, right? So I I put this, I'm putting this course together, right? And yeah, I was talking about how like accountability, right? Cause I'm sure that's huge in your life, right? Self-accountability. You and your wife are accountability partners, right? And how important that is, right? There's there there's bad accountability or fear-based accountability, right? Where like you described a little bit, maybe that's that mean superintendent. Like that's that fear, you know, ⁓ Victor's gonna be mad if I don't do this, right? Or like if you and I were accountability partners and you said you were gonna do something and I said, Hey, did it go? How'd it go, Victor? And you ⁓ I haven't done it yet. I'd be like, hey, remember what you told me, right? How are you gonna accomplish your goal if you if you don't keep moving forward, right? And that's the accountability, right, that I've learned to ⁓ God, and that always happened in my early recovery, right? Like I that's where I learned to do what I say, you know, and say what I mean and do what I say I'm gonna do when I was gonna do it. Did you go to a meeting, Max? And I'm like, don't want to lie to my sponsor, right? So there is a difference, right? There's there's brutal honesty and there's rigorous honesty, right? And that's what I try to practice, right? And here's the brutal honesty. I don't know if you remember this commercial, Victor. It was a, I think a Geico commercial or something, right? It was Abe Lincoln. And his wife, right? And his wife, big girl, right? Walks in and you know, they say honest Abe, right? So she walks in the room, she says, Does this honey, does this dress make me look bad? And he goes, He looks at her and he goes, Yes. One of the funniest commercials I've ever seen. And that's where she's on the couch, okay? Absolutely, right. That's one of those things I you would bring up with like ⁓ sponsees or clients I'm working with. That's the difference between rigorous honesty and brutal honesty. That brutal honesty is gonna get you on the couch, right? By yourself. ⁓ yeah. I've always said I'm accountable to you and you're accountable to me, right? Especially in construction, right? Because I'm not gonna be perfect. That if you're too afraid to tell me that I did something wrong or I'm missing something, then we're both gonna fail. So that is the hardest the hardest thing to do is to get somebody to say, you can be honest. Like you said, don't be brutal and have a conversation. Well, I don't want to hurt his feelings. Well, you know what? What are you gonna do? He's gonna you're gonna let him go do something that's gonna cost him his life because you're too afraid to talk to him. Right. So, like you said, men have a lot of great characters and we got a lot of things we gotta back up on a little bit and go we we need to be okay with ourselves and talk to the people, you know. Right. And I love it, you know, that we're having this conversation too, because you said mentioned something too that I learned this year that like the suicide rate in the construction business and how high it is, you know, because I'm a vet, right? So I'm always thinking of the 22 a day. And yep. You know what I mean? But now as I I talk to guys like yourself and people that are in the business, I can see why, right? Because there's good days and bad days, right? And when you're and matter of fact, and I'm not gonna put them out there, but I know a friend who is, you know having one of those rough moments, right? Because he did his job, right? And anything that could go wrong went wrong, right? Weather wise. And right. And then now you're s and I understand it now. When you mention that, I can understand what he may be going through, right? I mean, he's got the help. He he's strong enough of a man to go, look, I'm drowning. I need help. And he went to get the help, right? Like whatever he had to do. And because he's that kind of guy, right? He he practiced what he preaches, right? Because he's one of those guys that always used to tell me the match You need to lean into the suck. And I remember what are you talking about? That's correct. Right. And and then I got it, right? He says, yes, sometimes when you're in going through those challenges, you got a lesson you need to learn, right? God is trying to show you something. Sometimes there's a lesson within that lesson that you really need to learn. And best piece of advice, one of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten, right? So it's it's helped me like be more accountable to the people around me and show up. You know, for these podcasts, like when I'm having days like, ⁓ I don't feel good. What can I tell Victor today? Right. Like I didn't do that, Victor, I promise. Not today. But I've had those days where I'm like, ⁓ you know what I mean? Like, I'm not into it today. But ⁓ you know, this has been a a a wonderful conversation, right? So let's talk about some of the things I do remember, like question wise, right? There you go. Right? We're gonna talk about fearless, right? Because you've been, it sounds like through, you know, fifty years in construction, your second marriage for all that. There's some challenges right there, right? So going through what you've been through in your life, what does fearless mean to you today and how does that show up in your life on a daily basis? Well fearless to means just don't quit. It doesn't mean I'm not scared, right? That would that would be like saying, you know, when I'm on my cake buffalo hunt or or my my ⁓ lion hunt or something in there that that there's not fear. But but you know it's it's fear can be tamed. And it's tamed from several ways. Number one, I never go into a situation that I'm not perfectly ⁓ prepared for. Now that doesn't mean I know the answer, but that means I researched it, I looked at it, I asked questions, I I tried to talk to experts. I'm prepared. So that part of that conquers fear, whatever that is, right? If you're going in prepared, fear parts get done. Like you said, that doesn't mean scared. There there's two different two different things. Right. Part of learning to control your emotions is a big thing. I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you a quick story that kind of has to do with fear and fearless. So My very first big job, I was twenty six years old. I was ⁓ moved up into a project manager. We were building Reebok's first distribution facility in in ⁓ Boston. Okay. So I'm there, the ⁓ the superintendent's on the job site, vice president of Reebok is there, right? They get in this huge fight. Next thing I know, the superintendent grabs a chair, throws it out the window. I'm whoa, what in the heck is going on? Right. So we kind of convene. I call my boss, the owner of the company at that point in time, and I said, Man, what what do I do? And he He's so funny. He's so down there, but very logical, knowledgeable man. And he said, Victor, got a question for you. I said, Yes, sir. He said, How do you put your pants on? Well, I I I put them on. No, no, how do you put them on? Do you put them one leg at a time or two legs at a time? I said, Well, one leg at a time. He said, Well, how do you think everybody in that room you just came from puts your pants on? I said, Well, one leg at a time. He said, Okay. So you're not afraid of anybody. There is no fear. Okay. But that doesn't mean you got a better education than them or you're smarter than them. But there is no fear. Get back in that room and go represent my company. Yes, sir. So learn that lesson from then on. So, you know, I I I hear the word fear, but in construction, I guess you you learn different. Have I ever built a nuclear power plant before? No. Have I ever built a coal pyre? No. I built a Texas stadium. Did I ever build that before? I could go on and on and on every single job I never built. So do you go in it with fear like, ⁓ my goodness, I'm so afraid, it's gonna go. No. You go in with it prepared, having as much knowledge as you can, having that backbone to say, I got this. And when things go wrong, because I have a plan A, I'll end up with triple Z by the time the job's done. You mold, you adjust, you move, you flex, you go. You just don't give up. You continue down the path as best as you can. Right. Perfect analogy for life, right? Don't ever quit. Right. Find you. You gotta be as they say in boxing, you gotta weave bob and weave sometimes and right. Sometimes you're gonna get hit, right? Like the famous walkie one where he says it's not how hard you get hit when you get knocked out, it's about how many times you get up and keep moving forward because that's how winning is done. Yes, sir. One of my favorite, right? Watching that just it gives me chills every time because I know that feeling just like you do. I'm getting knocked on my butt and just Sometimes wanting to sit there and go, wow, that hurt. I don't want to get up, right? But you always have that little voice that says, get your butt up and keep moving, right? Well, you or you and guys like you and I wouldn't be here if we didn't do that, right? Now we're we get to lead by example and so they look what we've been through. Now we're here to show you guys that you could do it too, or anybody, right? I love it. That leads me into my next question. Happiness, right? As you see, I put a Y in it. Knowing I put a Y in happiness, or I did it on purpose. Some people I get on they go, You spelled that wrong. And I go, I know, but I did it on purpose, right? But knowing I put a Y in it, what does happiness mean to you today? And how does that show up in your life on a daily basis? Happiness is being present for my wife, being present for my kids and my grandkids, and giving. That's what the happiness is in my life. You know, what I'm sixty seven now, okay. My roller coaster is going downhill extremely fast. My time on this earth is limited. If I wake up tomorrow, you know, I I first thing I do is thank God you you let me be on top of the dirt, not under the dirt, right? Right. So I don't know, your your your aspect changed. You really do. As you start getting older, you start realizing the time on your earth and and what you have left. And you know what? I don't I don't want to argue. I don't want to fight. I really don't. I mean, it's it's a big change for you, but I don't. I don't want to argue, I don't want to fight, I don't want drama, I don't want anything. Now don't get me wrong. I still am passionate about what I believe. In fact, what got me in trouble in my younger years is my passion sometimes seemed as push because I was I was just passionate about I I wanted to do well. It was always came out as push. So I've I've learned to control that a little bit, sit back, relax, body posture, you know, all the things you learn and good leadership skills. But I still got that drive. So here's what I learned from you you you sound like you listen to a lot of things like I do. So there was like ⁓ eighty and ninety year old actors. And they said, so so how do you live this long? There was only two things they said. You need a reason to get up every morning and you need something to love. It's pretty simple. Both of those two things are part of my life. What gets me up every morning is to be able to give back. And what do I love? My family, my wife, and I love living. I love that. I love that. That reminds me of my early days of recovery, right? Like I heard somebody ask like an old timer, how do you get time? He goes, You get time. Yeah. How do you get long-term recovery? And he goes, Don't drink and don't die. There you go. Right? Good answers. But they're yeah, like it's true, right? You want a long-term recovery? You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I love those answers, man. Thank you so much for those, Victor. But now we're at the point, right, where I, if the audience wants to get a hold of you, right? Maybe they got some questions for you. They want to get your book. Where can they get your book? How do they get a hold of you? So our ⁓ our website is Bretting.com. TexanRanch dot com. On there you'll find everything about the ranch and kind of what we do. ⁓ you'll also find a link to the book. ⁓ but ⁓ the book is the man that I would become. It's on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and a and a bunch of ⁓ other areas you can find it. If if you Google B hyphen Tex Ranch, Breading Texan Ranch, you Google my name, i it all that will pop up. I've got a bunch of social media out in a different bunch of different places, but ⁓ But yes, sir, I I appreciate you. You let me give a plug for what we're trying to do. ⁓ awesome. I will support you 100%. I love it. It's has been such a great time. And I I mean, I've had it, I've learned a lot. Thank you for being here first and foremost. So as I like to say, thank you for gracing me with your presence because it was a good time. And I knew it was when we first started talking. So and even before that. But thank you for being here. But you're not quite off the hook just yet. So there's three questions that I do remember. And I always save the best one for last. And it goes like this. So, Victor, what is the one piece of advice you could give my audience to help them grow as human beings and become better people? Turn yourself inside out. One of the mentors taught me, he said, Are you turning yourself inside out? I said, What are talking about? He said, It's like looking in a mirror. Do you really like what you see? If you don't like what you see, you can change it, but only you can change it. So you need to find what makes you happy. And if it's not making you happy, change it. I love it. Well, you heard that, everybody. You can change it, right? So wow. I don't almost want to don't want to go, right? I want more questions, but I I love conversations like this. But thank you for being here, Victor. I had such a wonderful time and I know the audience is gonna get so much out of this, right? Thank you, one for the guys, right? We need the guys out there ⁓ leading the way as well. But thank you so much for being here and and gracing me with your president. It's been a wonderful time. So you heard Victor, everybody, if he made you think, if he taught you something, if he made you smile. And my famous, if he made you go, hmm, I like that. Please go to iTunes and leave a five-star review so more people can find the podcast. And come join me on my new YouTube channel where you can actually see Victor and I have this wonderful conversation. So again, good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, wherever you are in this world. This is Max from the Fearless Happiness Podcast. Until next time. Are you tired of being weighed down by life's traumas and struggles? Join the Fearless Happiness Lifestyle and let us guide you toward a brighter future. Explore our past podcast episodes and get a copy of the Fearless Happiness book to ignite your inner strength. If you or someone you love is battling addiction or facing challenges related to unresolved trauma, know that we are here for you. Visit maxnates.org, M-A-X-N-I-J-S-T.org, and take the first steps toward finding your fearless happiness. Thank you for listening. This has been a production of Fearless Happiness.