A Couple Who Knows The Gift Of Rock Bottom with Chris + Tiffany Owen | 252

Max Nijst: Welcome to the Fearless Happiness Podcast, where we showcase phenomenal individuals who have overcome serious traumas, life obstacles, and challenges to find their own path to fearless happiness. Listen as Max Naist invites guests from all around the world to share their experiences and spread strength, hope, and faith. This is the Fearless Happiness Podcast. And this is Max Naist. Everybody. Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening wherever you are in this world. This is Max coming back to you. But this time I gotta say, with really amazing and special guests. I've had Tiffany on here before, and now I got her husband, and we're gonna have a great conversation today. But you know how I like to do it, Tiffany. And well, you'll find out, Chris. Please introduce yourself to my audience, like what you do, who you are, what you do, and then we are gonna rock and roll. Okay, so what I wanna do first is remind your listeners to subscribe to this channel, like it, share it. Being ⁓ on a mission to share like Max's is super important. And I think people forget to do that. So before you forget, please subscribe to this channel and share it and spread the message. ⁓ that's for you because I know how important this is for you. It's a lot of freaking work. So yeah. ⁓ when someone asks me that question, I wanna just kind of jump in and say all the things I've overcome. But what I am today is not who I was three and a half years ago. Today I am very I'm empowered. I am the woman that God created me to be. I have been sober for almost four years. I'm a fitness coach, a life coach, I'm an author, a mother of four, and now a grandmother and and and a wife. And I am someone that I never thought I could possibly be. Hmm. That's you know, I love it. And and I'll real quick, I got to meet Tiffany first and then she says, Hey, I gotta introduce you to my husband. And now I've have a great friend in Chris since we met. We did this thing, I kind of flaked on him, but he understood. But we have become good friends over the time that we have met. So go ahead, Chris, introduce yourself. Yeah, we've had some really great conversations. We've kind of peeled back the layers and had opportunity to really be raw with one another and I I value that a lot. So I'm Chris, Tiffany's husband. ⁓ I'm a carpenter, general contractor, ⁓ by day and by night and on the evenings maybe with her. We kind of co coach people. She's got her main coaching program, but we also really specialize in helping couples kind of unpack what's going on. And step into their greatness and I'm really focused more on on obviously the men, because I believe that men they're not broken, they've just been misprogrammed. Deep and so I'm on a mission to kind of help break the code and really help them step into their power and help them realize that they're sovereign and that masculinity is not toxic when done properly. And you know, I couldn't agree more, right? Like when I see that stuff about this mask ⁓ toxic masculinity, I gotta laugh. I'm like, Are you like, how can that be toxic? I mean, maybe there is, but like the friends I know like yourself and you know what I mean, I don't see it. I just see men being men trying to take care of their families, right? Make sure, you know, like as I say, bring home the bacon, put a roof over their heads, feed their families and just be the best that they can be every day. Right, if that's toxic, then sign me up 'cause you know what I mean? But here's everybody, you know, this is gonna be a great conversation, right? 'Cause I've I've gotten to know them and we were just talking about this before the podcast, right? Is you know, mean what you say and say what you mean. But these guys also like I've watched them, you know, through Facebook obviously, 'cause they live in Texas. ⁓ but they they they walk the walk and talk the talk. They're both in great shape. Like they you know, Tiffany I gotta say, like when I watch her do her stadiums, I'm like, man, like I'm not coming around here 'cause she's gonna make me look like, you know what. ⁓ and it's funny because I I have a story, like when I got into CrossFit, you know, before a while back, I was in there like on a you know, talking to the guy who runs the place and he's ⁓ yeah, come try it, right? Like, no problem. And here comes this girl that walks in, right? And she's a CrossFit pro, like she her I I would see later that her name's all over the the place, right? Like how these years she's done CrossFit and well, of course, and she's in great shape. And I look at him and I'm going, I don't know if this is for me, bro. Cause if I gotta work out next to her, I I'm gonna look like silly over here, you know. Don't let her don't let her faze you, man. But but I love like your guys' energy, right? Because you carry that into your marriage, you carry that into your family, you know. And I know what it's like to be a grandparent. So much fun, right? Now you guys get to spoil your grandchild, right? Like when mom, dad says, no more, you get to say, Yeah, come over here. I'll give you a little bit more, right? Here's a little candy before you go home. You know what mean? But like I did with Tiffany, we're gonna talk, Chris, about like those challenges in your marriages, in your marriage, right? And how you overcome those so that like you said, you can be. Better. You know, be the best version of yourself that you can be, not only for your you know, for yourself, but for your family. I don't care who goes first, but usually I go ladies first. So Tiffany, we're gonna give it to you. Yeah. So first if you're listening, I really want you to remove distractions and really lean in because we're starting out kind of light and we're playful, but our story is very inspiring and the trauma that I have personally overcome and that Chris has walked with me through, which is not an easy task, is so powerful. So if if you're in recovery, if you have a family member that's in recovery, if you're thinking about being in recovery, we will probably say something that could possibly change your life. Right. And that's not from ego. That that's like real life. Because we that's that's our mission now and ⁓ it's so important for us to share to keep what we have and to continue to grow. But if we can be inspiration and hope for those struggling, ⁓ whether it's women with fitness and nutrition or marriages, blended marriages, you know, ⁓ that ⁓ you have step kids because we're not each other's first marriage, but we've been married fifteen years. And I it my journey of recovery started in my twenties, but then I had some relapses and I just kept ⁓ going back to what was comfortable and that was the only way I knew how to self-soothe and live life on life's terms. It was to drink or prescription pills. And I was very, very successful at what I did and You probably couldn't tell from the outside looking in that most nights of the week I would pray that God would let me go to sleep and not wake up. I was running a six figure coaching business. I worked out all the time. I you know, have four kids. I I was making sure everybody had everything they needed, but I was literally dying inside and I didn't know how to overcome that. And I was managing drinking until I wasn't. Right. Right. And I thank God. And if you're if you're at your bottom or maybe you just, you know, you're at the beginning stages of recovery, congratulations, because Rock Bottom, as you know, is a great place to be. Great. I love I love the gift of desperation. It has kept me around for over twenty two years now, right? Like, or at least it it got me on board. See, and I love that for the audience to understand from your point. Now, Chris being on the other side, right? As The spouse who has to watch his wife like literally slowly die every day, right? Because you can see it. Like we think we can fool everybody, right? But I've had people walk up and go, Max, you need you need help. Like you need to go. I mean, I had two guys before I got sober, two big ex convicts tell me if you don't get help and you come to prison, we're gonna kick the shit out of you because for shits and giggles. So go get right. And that was that was one of my motivations. Like, well, these two dudes, instead of bringing me along to commit more crime, were like they saw something in me, right? So talk about that for you, Chris, in your marriage. Like when you were watching Tiffany like slowly go down, as they say, the drain, right? And that that journey, 'cause it's as hard for you as it is for us, because it's hard when it's a loved one and you can't you know, that powerlessness that they talk about in twelve step meetings is that. part when you can't do anything, but you see it happening and you're like, how do I help? So how was that for you, Chris? Well, so that's one of the things you and I talked about after we got to know each other and Tiffany was on your podcast is the codependent. And there's not a lot of people talking about my side, you know, because for every addict I learned there's a codependent. And when I heard that label, I was like, I'm not a codependent. But when she went to treatment, I had to do a s listen to a series of lectures before I could go see her and do Family Day. And I learned a lot of really great information. And ⁓ I was like, ⁓ my God, I am a codependent. And so I appreciate this opportunity to to share my side. And so yeah, it really was tough because I always knew that Tiffany ⁓ was born for greatness. And I don't say that in a cheesy way. But literally, there was always something that I could see in Tiffany that was truly magical. I knew that she had the ability to transform lives. And I knew that that she was called to do that. We didn't know what container we were going to be placed in to make that possible. But the greatest gift that she was given was that rock bottom. And the hardest thing that I had to do, and I don't want to get emotional. was to tell her I was gonna leave. And I can remember it like it was yesterday, sitting in that hospital room, leaning over while she had all this stuff hooked to her body 'cause she tried to commit suicide by taking a shit ton of Advil, right? Right. Yeah. And I said, Look, the bottom line is if you don't get help, I'm out. I'm I'm leaping and I'm taking the boys with me. And I meant it. I really did. I it wasn't a hollow threat. Like and I and and the part was I had to land on that for myself. Yeah. And that was so incredibly hard, is giving that ultimatum. And but but it was also what Tiffany needed. She she really needed to hear that. Because I was so used to walking on eggshells and pacifying her and just going along to get along. And I even found myself drinking the way she would drink so I could keep up. Like I'm not an addict. I can literally drink a beer or whatever and be fine. But I found myself jumping into her world to keep up, you know, just to pacify. Right. That's really hard. And I I would say to anyone listening, the ultimatum was was the sweet spot. And then walking the journey with her. And what I mean by that is when she stops, that means I stop too. Right. That's right. And I get to and I get to participate in her transformation. It's not I have to, I get to. Yeah, I love that, right? I get to. It's so important. ⁓ and I sorry for cutting you off, Chris, but I I totally get your point, right? Because my wife. She's not an alcoholic or an addict, but when we got married, she just decided I'm not doing it anymore either. Right. It's like I mean, she'll go out with her friends once in a great while and have a couple of drinks or with coworkers, right? And go have a beer, but but not she's like, it doesn't even interest me anymore, right? And you know, I I can relate and I learned and my friends used to ask me in in my twelve step meeting, did your mom go to like Alanon? I go, Why? 'Cause that story you tell Where my mom visited me in the jail last time, right? And I told Tiffany about this, right? She says sh before I could give her an empty promise, she says, I love you, son, but you're no longer welcome at my home. If you come near my home, I will call the police. And if I'm not home and they see you near my house, the neighbors are gonna call the police. What are you gonna do? Right. And yeah, my eyes went. I went, I I don't know. And she starts crying, right? And she says, I'm like, Why are you crying? You get to go home. I gotta go back to my cell. And she says, Well, that was the best answer I've ever heard you give me. And her thick Dutch accent, right? And I'm like, Wow, okay. But ⁓ you know, and then I've had to like you, I've had that same experience with my children who have experienced addiction, right? They're all well, I don't know about my oldest daughter, but my my son and my baby girl, I was telling you, who just had the twins, are sober now and man. Like talk about codependency. It took me a long time to learn. And I'm so thankful for my wife for teaching me how to hold boundaries, right? Because if I tell my kid, you know, hey dad, I need a couple bucks, we get, you know, I mean, no, I'm not doing it. And they would use the guilt trip. And then I I would fold like like a quesadilla, right? Like I am that and she would look at me and go, God, that was easy. You know what I mean? Like. ⁓ you gotta do this. But now I've learned, right? Like I don't let that it it's a journey, right? For both for all of us, right? Whether you're the one who's recovering, or the spouse who has to watch, you know, your spouse or your children go through that stuff. ⁓ so Tiffany, as you right, because you ⁓ you know, you here in the hospital, right? Because you you know, attempted suicide. And I remember telling my sponsor, Well, I've never no, I told a friend, a mentor of mine, I said, I never committed suicide. He goes, Yeah, you did. Like, what are you talking about? He goes, Every time you put a drink or a drug in your system, you were doing it on the installment plan. ⁓ that's yeah, that's good. Yeah. I was like, ⁓ yeah, maybe I was. But what Tiffany said, I used to do the same thing. I remember if I partied and then I'd finally go to sleep, that that Prayer before I go to sleep. Okay, God, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Just don't wake me up, please. And then I'd wake up again and you'd gone, wow, he don't listen, does he? Or she or whatever. Like, now I gotta do this all over again. But I'm gonna ask Tiffany now, like, so when you got that ultimatum from Chris, right? I know that had to be tough to hear because you know, I can relate. What was that moment like for you? I mean, being in the hospital. You know, waking up because it didn't work. You know, you know the all the things that might be going through your head. So what was that like for you that day? Yeah, so part of me d and just to back up a little bit, when when we got married fifteen years ago, I I had an eight year old and a three year old from a previous marriage. By the time I was twenty nine, I'd been married four times. I had a history of ⁓ being in abusive relationships, lots of trauma, sexual abuse, ⁓ unwanted abortion. lot lots of trauma as as a child all the way up. And I write about that in my book. And when Chris and I got married, he probably didn't realize what he had signed up for. And I was a really good behaviorist. If he got pregnant with our twins right away. And so there were, you know, he would see glimpses of of who I really was and who I could be. And I even donated my liver to a stranger with cancer. So I could not drink if I wanted to. But I was at the point where I didn't want to. But I was secretly waiting for something big to happen to help me stop. Because I knew for me, like when God whispers, like I just kind of ignore it. But then if it becomes a scream, if my back's against the wall, I will shape up immediately. So it was no question. I will do whatever it takes. And I'm grateful that I have that kind of personality. I I needed something like that. And and because he had never thrown that around with leaving me or that that was never an option. I knew that he was serious. And I was so tired of fighting. I knew that this was it. There was no question I I had to do whatever it took. And so thank God I was able to get into a treatment center. I got to go to a trauma treatment center. And there were people there that they were not ready. And this was their third or fourth time to be there. And they weren't they weren't taking it seriously. They had not hit a big enough bottom. And they're And I had been in treatment in my twenties and my s no one came to my family day. I had zero support. So I had done treatment and tried to get sober without any family support and it did not last long at all. Right. So I didn't go back to prescription pills, but I was, you know, drinking a lot and that was a bit more manageable, I guess you could say. See, I'm a big believer, as you guys know, I work in the addiction field as a counselor, right? And my belief is The chances of an alcoholic or an addict staying sober or clean is better when there is family support. 'Cause I've seen it. Right. And I've had those moments though where they're like, Okay, we're dropping junior off, we'll be back in ninety days, fix ⁓ And I'm like, wait a minute, that ain't gonna work. That doesn't work that way. ⁓ and I've had my experiences where like I for instance, I worked at Hogue Hospital, which has a really good we'll They've been around for years, have a very well known drug and alcohol treatment, right? And they have a family week. It's one of the places that it's not just one day, it's four days long where the family, if they're available, pretty much mandatory, you need to come. Right. So I had this one kid, right? And I call him a kid, right? 'Cause I'm in my well, back then I was in my forties, but still. ⁓ and dad was a big cop. Like I'm talking six, over six four and just huge. And we're walking down the aisle and he's like, Well, why can't so and so just why can't he just quit and stay quit? I'm like That's why I was thinking, I'm gonna go, Okay, I want you to do this, right? 'Cause in Orange County we have the Amtrak stations all over the place. I said, I want you to go down to the train station and I want you to sit in front of a train at five miles an hour, put your hand up and try to stop it. And he goes Well, eventually it's gonna blow me over because it's twice as big as I am. And I go, Well, your daughter your son's addiction is like the bullet train in Japan at full speed. And he looked at me and he went, I get it now. I get it, right? As far as I know, that kid is still sober, right? Mom and dad are supporting him. But people need to realize, I think, because you've been through it, you realize when you supported Tiffany, look how far she's come, right? Because it's hard to do that. On your own. My mom didn't come to a family week, but she would come to the meetings right in and take me out to breakfast. And then when I had a couple of my relapses, which I still don't live down today, but anyway, they were she was sitting in the meeting and they're I know are you here for the meeting? And she'd look at him and go, No, I'm here for my son. And then I knew why that's why my phone was just going off the charts, you know, back then like, ⁓ dang it. She showed up. She's not supposed to show down, supposed to let me do what I gotta do. But You know, not everybody relapses and stuff like that. You know, you and I have that experience, Tiffany. And I you know, sometimes I kind of roll my eyes when I get those old timers. I go, I gave them my first meeting and I haven't touched a drink since. And I will like, whoopee doo for you. Like, okay. But I I actually, you know, I go, Shay, that's cool. I'm glad that works for you. Some of us have to do the research again, right? But so what I want to get into now is, you know, you guys are going through this journey together, right? You're both in recovery. And that's what I always tell the family members. I go, What are you doing for your recovery? And they What do you mean? I'm not in recovery. I Yeah, you are. I go, You've been affected by your addict over here. You need some recovery. You know, whether that's counseling therapy or Al-Anon or but you gotta find your community too, right? Like I go, you need to you need your support system when Junior over here or the Sissy is like off the charts and you don't know what to do. But if you have that support. You can look at him and go, You can have your tatter, but I'm going to my meeting over here or whatever, right? So that's what that's what I've created with my coaching. If I can interject, that's that's what I have created with my coaching model. Because you you have where you quit the substance, but then what? Right? So then what does life look like? How do I learn to self soothe without self sabotaging? Where is my where are my people, my like minded people? ⁓ what are boundaries? What are non-negotiables? How do I get healthy with fitness, nutrition? And so not all of my clients ha really hardly any have a substance abuse problem, but they have a food addiction or they have shopping addiction or addiction's addiction. And it's it's, you know, a symptom of something else going on. And so I've been able to pass on what has helped me to them. And it's like, it's kind of like AA, really. For for everybody. Yeah. And if I might add something, I would like to touch on this for just a moment. For any of the listeners who may be that guy that says, well, why can't they just quit? Because that was once me, right? And so what I had to do was willingly suspend my disbelief and temporarily curve my ego. And I allowed myself to be educated because I did not understand the addiction. I thought it was BS, frankly. Well, because you saw me be successful at so many other things. Why could I not just quit drinking? Exactly. But when you learn the brain science, you go, okay. They're not broken. They're just they're built different. Right. And what I've also realized about addicts is they're extremely intelligent people. And they have not learned how to self-soothe. And so they take a substance instead of figuring out how to use the greatness that they were already given. Right. And using that in different ways to channel that intelligence. And so Or like to quiet the mind or self-regulate, regulate the nervous system. Exactly. Using meditation instead of a drink. Yeah. And that and that just wanted to touch that for just a moment. If anyone's still wrestling with that fact that, well, why can't they just stop? Give yourself permission to think differently and watch where that takes you. I couldn't agree more, right? I mean, and typically you both know I'm a big 12 stepper. I've been going to meetings for over 22 years. Is it for everybody? Absolutely not. That's why I always have to preface everybody out there listening. I'm not pushing twelve steps, but there's a lot of principles that those people like myself live by that can help. It's even in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. These steps could help. Anybody. It doesn't say just the alcoholic. But that's what I have learned in my practice too, in my private practice, is okay, what's gonna work for this person, right? If they tell me over and over I'm not doing a okay, what I gotta so it's like you, Tiffany, I gotta I gotta work on mind, body and spirit, right? And however that looks, right? But I am a big proponent on finding what that spiritual aspect is gonna be. Is it gonna be church? Is it gonna be meetings? Is it gonna be meditation? Right. And then fitness, right? Like people, it's my program, my holistic program. That is like their church. Yeah. Absolutely. Right. Exactly. Find your community, right? Because what I've learned from some of the amazing guests like yourself that have been on here, right? We are spiritual beings having a human experience. And, you know, we crave connection. Right. And it's not just well, I told Tiffany in our last when she was with me last time, I said there was this ⁓ TED talk from this journalist from England that talks about addiction and what we know about it is all wrong. Right. So at the end he said, What's the opposite of addiction? You know, in the crowd, you could hear him going, ⁓ meetings and sobriety and this, and he's all, nope, it's connection. And what I have learned. in my twenty-two years of being clean and sober is I'm that way because of the connections I have made inside and outside of the rooms, right? Like hanging out with, like you guys said, like minded people, right? Because you know that saying or that quote that says you're a direct reflection of the five people you hang out with most, right? And you know, 22 years ago, well one, we wouldn't be here and two, if you saw me coming, you'd be like, get in the house, lock the door, Max is coming by. Cause we don't know what's gonna happen, right? I mean not that I was you bad, bad, but you know what I mean? I'm a drug addict and I'm gonna try to manipulate you either out of food or some money or whatever. And but I've I love the journey that we're all on, right? Like connecting and you guys here helping my audience understand what it's like to be a couple that's going through recovery, right? And how Tiffany helps. But you do the same thing, Chris. Like people don't understand Yeah, I know you do, but it's like it takes a village, it takes a team to do this, right? 'Cause I had tried so many times, like, I don't need your help. And then when I'm sitting on a bunk in jail again going, Well, that didn't work. How am I gonna do this? Right. And then I get I then I get all the community and they're going, Hey, dude, we can do this. This is how you gotta do it to be better and I'm like But I finally had enough and said, Well, this and this is not what I want, right? But The part I want you guys to explain too, what I like to tell the audience is right, lean into the suck, right? Because there's lessons you're gonna learn. No matter how good the journey is going or how tough it gets. If you have this perspective of I'm gonna learn something, especially from a tough situation, right? It's not only you're gonna make me a better person, right? How has that been for you guys? You want me to start? Leaning into the suck or yeah, go ahead. Yeah. So so I have I have a I have a tank top that says embrace obstacles. Right. So one of my that's basically what I teach my ⁓ my people and and I have a team that actually helps me coach my people now. That's how big my mission has grown. But ⁓ you know, it's all about changing the way you look at things. And I love what Wayne Dyer says when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And so my whole book is about participating in your own rescue and looking at life happening for you instead of to you and taking full responsibility for every area of your life because that is so powerful. And that gets a little controversial. for s especially women, I think when when you talk about sexual abuse. But in my book. I was raped and I told my part in it. And that empowers me. It doesn't it doesn't give the person who did something to me off the hook. Right. But it gives me power to take responsibility and and change and heal whenever I take responsibility for I shouldn't have been drinking. I was blacked out drunk. It's not about letting them off the hook, it empowered me to move forward. And so that's taking something that would be considered bad or traumatic and looking at it as what did I learn? What can I do different? How how did this, you know, help me grow? If this hadn't happened, I wouldn't be where I am. Right. Now I get to share. My pain is my purpose. We can you can flip it all day long. And so when you have someone kind of help you and guide you in changing the way you look at things and then what you what you focus on grows. And what you think about, you bring about, you start being very intentional about what you are thinking about and what you were focusing on. And that's what I guide people to do. And when they start focusing on their wins throughout the day, ⁓ life happening for them, up the obstacle being the way or a growth opportunity, everything else kind of falls into place. Yeah. But I love that, right? Because I say this in a loving way, right? That was one of the biggest slaps in my face ever when a mentor said, Max, life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you and I'm like, What the hell do you mean? What do you mean it's happening for me? Right. But it doesn't feel like it. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't feel like it. Like what's your take on that, Chris? Right? Because I know as the man in the family, right? Like I I know you probably can relate. There's probably times like this life happening for me is not working right now. Like I'm getting pissed off right. Yeah, you could definitely do that. But what you know what I've come to realize is our culture is addicted to comfort. And that's a dangerous place to be. And so I used to think the same things like, ⁓ my God, why does this have to always happen? This thing always happens to me. ⁓ it's this time of year. Hell, in fact, when we were about to jump on this podcast, we were I was stuck at the pharmacy. Tiffany was stuck in carpool. We came in with like five minutes. Tiffany was panicking, like, ⁓ my God, we gotta get all this. I don't wanna be late. And I'm like, hey. Remember our whiteboard says everything's perfect. And I also have written over here, in my world, nothing ever goes wrong. So what I'm literally right there. Exactly. And so we have these little reminders all over. And at first it used to feel cheesy, but what I realized is when you lean into the cheesy, that's typically when a th when things change. Yep. And so I tell everyone this story that I work with that about five years ago I was outside ⁓ doing some personal development stuff, reading the Bible and praying and things like that. And I just came to the realization that l life sucked in that moment and it didn't look like it was gonna get any better. But I had been learning that the suck is only sucky if that's the definition you attach to it. Right. And so I was sitting outside In my quiet spot. And I remember saying, I'm going to give myself permission to think differently. And I literally grabbed a make-believe sack and put my thoughts inside that sack. And I stood up and I put that make-believe sack on a shelf. Right. Because I needed to attach an action to the new belief. Right. And so that was symbolic for me. And I said, if I want to pick that way of thinking up later, I can. But right now it's not serving me. I don't know where this thinking differently is going to take me. I just know that I need to start. And that's what kickstart the personal development journey. And looking at life through a different lens. It's not that shit doesn't happen, it's the meaning we decide to attach to it. And so now It's almost like a game for me. At least that's what I've turned it into. When something crappy comes to my way, I'm like, ⁓ shit, something amazing's about to happen. Let what let me find that instead of focusing on how bad it feels in that moment. And we've been practicing this for so many years now. It's become we have literally rewired our brain. And that's what we help people do. So it is our automatic response now. Everything always works out for us. Everything is perfect. you know, what did this make possible? What did I learn? And so we've trained ourselves, but it it t it's taken a few years. Yeah. And sometimes I still get a little pissy when he's like, everything perfect. Like you did a minute ago. I'm like, hello guru. No. But but I mean, we snap out of it quick. But just knowing that ⁓ you can literally rewire your brain with consistent ⁓ Action and working on how you think because I was stuck in a victim mindset and and there's a lot of women who are. Yeah, and it feels so foreign and cheesy for a lack of better words when you when you say those things to yourself. But here's the cold hard truth. You're talking to yourself all day, every day, anyways. So why not change the narrative? Absolutely. I couldn't agree more, right? That's So when I first got sober, my sponsor would have me write like a positive affirmation and stick it on my bathroom window, right? Cause I I was Mr. Negative Nancy, like, yeah, you want to talk about like, or I would give go from zero to sixty and be angry, you know, the world sucks. I want to blow it up and get out of my way. And and he started a have me started gratitude journal, right? And 'cause you're so right. And even neuroscience, science has proven if you do stuff like that, right, where you read frame things like for instance, ⁓ doing a gratitude journal, which I I do three things in the morning, right when I wake up, three things at night, sometimes more, but I that's how I started. And three things at night before I go to bed, right? Neuroscience, and I even saw it on YouTube, it shows you actually build new neural pathways that will I call them the positive pathways, right? Because you'll start looking at yourself in a different light. You start looking at the world in a more positive light. And And you guys know my story, but ⁓ thank God for that gratitude journal, right? Because nine years ago when I would lose a sister, a brother to suicide, and then my mom six months later, I still did that gratitude journal. Even though part of my brain was going, ain't got nothing to grateful for. And I What do you mean? I go, My family wants me here. Okay, that's one, right? My family actually let me help take care of my mom, right? Because if I was still on my addiction, she would have did my family would have did what my mom did when I was in my addiction, when there was family parties, right? She'd tell my cousin, don't tell him. Right. And then I'd see him months later, hey, how come you weren't at the party the other day? And I'm like, I'd go back to my mom's house all pissed. Why didn't you tell him? Because I don't want you there when you're like that. I'm like, but I was able to switch that up, right? And and give my mom 14 years of sobriety before she passed and and and help take care of her the last six months of her life and you know be there for my siblings and You know, now I get to be there as a grandpa and a father and a husband. And, you know, most important for me is a friend. Like to you guys. Like you guys are my friends, right? Like there was a long time where I would I didn't have friends, right? Because I had burned those bridges. And like I and that's serious. Like I said, that's one example. Like, but it max like I even had dealers tell me you're cut off, dude. You're done. Like you're there's something wrong with you, bro. We don't want your money anymore. Yeah, we don't exactly like yeah, you know, go somewhere else, but you're just you're just too off the charts right now. And you know, I can always, you know, go what if this or that, woulda, coulda, shoulda, right? 'Cause back in high school I should've saw the the sign. But like you guys, I believe everything happens for a reason. I was supposed to go through that, right? I learned so many lessons. And it's like you guys know, being an entrepreneur, right? It's not for the faint of heart. I think that's one of my biggest life lessons is learning how to get back up and go, Wow, that hurt, that sucked. What am I gonna do now? Right. And I can't go hide. I can't go, I'm gonna go to the bar and have a drink. Or you know. You could. You could. You could, right. Yeah, but you're choosing not to. Yeah, yeah. I could, but then my wife would get some of her big Samoan friends that she knows, and she goes, I will hunt you down. I will take you to some cabin out in the middle of nowhere and chain you to a bed till you're sober again. I'm like Well, honey, you won't ever have to worry about that 'cause I don't I don't I don't think about it. I mean once in a while it's funny 'cause I'll go through the grocery store and I'll see these new alcohols, right? Like the Ciroc apple botcha. And I'm like Where the hell was this when I was drinking, man? Like and she'll grab me and say, Let's go. But you know, I like my life, you know, like I said, 'cause I'm so honored that you guys came here to be with me today and share your story. Cause I think the world needs to know it that they're not alone. Cause right, there could be a husband out there that's going, Man, I'm watching my wife drink herself to death, you know. Or like in Tiffany, you know you know, I'm I'm watching my husband, you know. work his butt off but then come home and drink all day and how do you you know how what would you what would you be your best advice if someone is going through that at this moment and they reached out to you after the podcast? What would you tell them? I want to start with that one because I was actually thinking that what you were saying. So ⁓ I'll give you a personal example. So when Tiffany and I first got married, I thought she hung the moon. I was completely infatuated. And then she pulled the rug out from underneath me and I was like God, you tricked me. Why did you do that? But he knew that that we needed each other. Like she's specifically built for me, and I'm specifically built for her. And so to those people who are in a marriage and you feel like you've lost that spark and that connection, it's there. You you just have to tap into it. And here's how I did it. We hired marriage coaches. Well, yeah. ⁓ We did it. That's right. So One of the things I started doing was I remembered that what you focus on expands and what you think about you bring about, right? It's the RAS, the reticular activator system in your mind. So I'm gonna train that reticular activator system to bring to me what I want. All right. So in the mornings I used to think about how quick can I get out of here? And I ⁓ ha I was thinking about how disgusted I was with Tiffany, how terrible I thought our marriage was, and all of this negative stuff, right? And so what did my mind do? It found evidence to support what I thought. One day I got sick and tired of that, and I said, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm gonna focus on the reasons why I love her. What drew me to her in the first place? And so I was standing in the kitchen instead of trying to figure out how to get out. I was thinking about, ⁓ I never have to do laundry. I mean, it's simple stuff, guys. Simple. I never have to do laundry. When when I come home, there's always food, whether it's bought or she's made it. Now this is when she's in her addiction. She still did those things. She still took care of business. She still took care of, you know, the kids to the best of her ability, right? Here's another cool thing that she did. She would put makeup on and perfume on and look really presentable no matter what kind of day she had before I would walk in because she knew I would like that. And now that may not be y'all's thing, but what I'm getting at is this. What you think about you bring about. And if you want to re-spark that and you have one percent hope in that person that you married. You find those little magical moments and you start thinking about those. And pretty soon your mind is going to find more and more evidence of why you love that person and then how you can help serve them and champion them through this hard time. I that's amazing. Cause I believe it's like when you're getting ready to buy your dream car, right? And don't you ever notice like you see that car everywhere? And almost you almost go, Well, everyone's got one. I don't want that one anymore. Because I would think exactly everybody everybody got the truck I want. Like I'm not doing it. But it's true though. Our minds are so powerful. And we can use them for good, right? And and that's awesome, Tiffany, because I'm the type of recovering person that when I'm in my addiction, I don't I don't care how I look, right? I I don't it doesn't matter. Like and no one matters. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. Well, that's why well, that's why i I it was so prolonged for me to recover because I was still I was rationalizing and justifying because I still did all those things. Mm-hmm. Right. I yeah. So that made my ⁓ drinking career just last a little bit longer. Mm-hmm. But it's true though, right? Like I run into that all the time, especially like the older people that I have had the pleasure of working with, right? So like I didn't lose anything. I don't have a problem. I go, really? But you're in treatment. Right. And your wife is ready to walk out the door. Or, you know, your dad's ready to kick you out. Or, you know, your girlfriend doesn't want you back. And you know, I have to make ⁓ think like, Yeah, well, that's true. I worked and I but yeah, but when you got home, you checked out. You started drinking, or you left your family hanging because you were at the bar all night, or whatever the case may be. But ⁓ right, that's why I I I'm That's kind of like who I go after, right? Are the the high performers, the CEOs and the executives that say, I don't have a problem. Right. I'm not gonna go on Facebook and say anything, but behind the scenes, they're like saying, I need help, dad, right? How do I keep everything together? Cause I'm doing it, right? I'm successful. But we all know, right, that that house of cards will come crashing down one day. Right. And but that's why I love Mixing my recovery with personal development, right? Because there's always something new to learn and there's always something that you can do to be one percent better than you were the day before. Right. And if I keep that perspective, I you know, I might have had a rough day, but I'm like I can look back and go, Well, I'm still one percent better than I was yesterday, so I'm good. You know what I mean? And that adds up. I think people don't understand the power of one percent. Like you do one percent every day, that's three hundred and sixty-five percentage points that you've gone up in a year's time, right? Right. I mean, it's w it's it's a brilliant concept and it's easy. Like everyone thinks they've got to have this long list of things that they need to check and do all this stuff. Right. Do one thing, man. One thing. Yeah. Small steps forward daily will lead to big results, right? And I learned that one percent actually, well, from a group that I belong to, but this guy, Sam He was a Persian guy, right? Ba out in Venice that used to be big in the fitness world, big guy, you know, kind of but he would take guys in off the street and go, I'm gonna teach you how to ⁓ get into fitness and build your own business, right? So like he would have guy and he would tell them, You're gonna sleep on my couch and I'm gonna teach you how to to build your own business in fitness, right? You're gonna get in shape. And that's what he would tell him. He goes, You just need to focus on being one percent better every day. 'Cause if you start in January, like you said, Chris, come December I can say, Well, wow, man, I'm three hundred and sixty five percent better than I was yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I had one guest that was on here before that goes, Nah, the math is wrong, guys. And he started getting into this calculation. I said, Doesn't matter. And he was messing with me and he was right there. I go, dude, just just follow me, all right, please. All right. I just Please, like, let's boost the confidence of the audience here, right? That's the purpose of what this yeah, exactly. Let's not give Louise. Yeah, because a lot of us are not math people. And you're talking to your host, this is one, and I go, let me tell you, like I math is I took statistics in college and almost thought about relapsing because it was that tough. And he thought, Really? He goes, That's so easy. And I go, Yeah, don't even start, bro. So but you know, it w it was funny because Right, because that's all you guys have said it throughout this whole thing, right? Like your marriage doesn't have to be perfect. You're gonna have good days and bad days, right? But if you're working together on making it a great marriage, right, those little challenges are gonna be nothing if you think about it, right? So Tiffany, right, because I didn't I haven't told anybody, but I I did get certified as a ⁓ a personal trainer and I'm gonna do the nutrition thing next, right? Because I wanna incorporate that But I also want to collaborate with other people. Like if I have a woman that I'm gonna send them your way, right? Like you need to talk to Tiffany. You know what I mean? And but I as I've learned on this journey, ⁓ and I'm sure you did too when you were going through treatment, right? Like like when my body started to feel better, my mind followed, right? So that's I'm like I have to get better and you know and I'm holding myself accountable here and telling on myself I need to get my butt in the garage and start working out again. You know, they'll use my back as an excuse. But it's true though, right, Tiffany? When you get your body moving and you're feeling fit, you know, and you don't have to run for two hours on stadiums like Tiffany does everybody. But that's not necessarily if you get that your mind usually follows, right? Because I hate this world of doctors that goes, ⁓ you don't feel good, here's a pill. ⁓ you got anxiety? Here's a pill. ⁓ this p you know, a pill for everything. But I'm like, I agree with you guys, right? Because I watched your yeah, I mean these they're in great shape, everybody. Trust me, they're in great shape. Like I believe in getting your body moving and because I, you know, before I had surgery, I went through that 75 heart challenge and I felt great. And how do you Okay, I'm gonna ask Tiffany first. So you get someone that comes into your program and they look at you like Tiffany, I gotta work out. I don't wanna work out. Let's skip that. Let's tell me how to get better without doing that, because I know that happens sometimes. Well, I I I love helping women who are beginners. They've convinced themselves that they can't work out, they hate working out, they have ⁓ hormone issues pre or postmenopausal. ⁓ they are just stuck in maybe the good enough trap and they know something could be better. They just need a little support, accountability, and direction. And on my logo in the back, it says transform your mind and your body will follow. Mm-hmm. And although I've been in fitness for 25 years, my workouts work. People do them at home or the gym with minimal equipment. I've written over 55 workouts for my client. I have clients who've stayed with me years. And What I offer is like therapy with your workout. So I will not coach a client without doing mindset work. And I have a community, we have small group meetings. ⁓ I have a blueprint, a workbook that goes with my program, I have a mill plan. So we I am giving you all the tools. You just have to drive the car. Right. So I love working with people who have zero experience because I am confident that I can make them confident enough to love working out. Right. That those are my favorite women to work with because coming out of recovery or healing or trying to overcome trauma or some sort of addiction, what's next? What what do I knew do next? I know I'm supposed to find my worth from within. I know ⁓ self-care is important, but what does that look like? What does that look like? How do I connect my head and my heart? And the tools that I share, it's not like any other program. And that is what I help women learn how to do is self worth, confidence, and learning how to put themselves first without guilt or shame. Right. Yeah. And the workout is a small piece, but that's a bit it's big, but it's small. It's one part of the program. But then everything falls into place. And I think you have to work on the mindset first, right? Like I mean, Chris and I had a conversation in the beginning and you know, when you're going through struggles, like I would tell him that this shit sucks. Excuse my language. ⁓ but you know what I mean? Like I never thought this would happen. And when you blah blah blah. But I could've used it as an excuse to go, you know what? Nice meeting you, Chris, but I'm off and I'm gonna go do what I'm gonna go do, right? But it's nice to have a safe space to share. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, that's like sponsorship. That's like going to therapy, right? Or coaching. It's like if you know that you have someone you can go to that you can be like you said, like we talk about, open, honest and vulnerable without judgment, it makes it a whole lot better, right? And It makes it easier to want to change when you know you have that kind of support. And then when you know you don't feel alone. And when we've w we've been very blessed to help some other, you know, couples too. And to to know that couples can come to us and not feel judged or ashamed. And we're not going to pick sides and we're going to give them tools to reconnect. Because yes, it sounds good. ⁓ connections, you know, that's what you need. And you know, all the things that he shared, but how do you do that? There is actually a roadmap. And that's why I think finding someone to help you or coach you is the best investment that you can ever make. Like what you do, Max, like what we do. I I have hired a coach for everything and it is the best investment if you were wanting to level up and come out of ⁓ whatever is holding you back. That's right. You know, I I couldn't Like even like before I started the podcast, right? When I belonged I I've told you guys about the mastermind I belonged to and one of the biggest things was start a podcast and write a book. Well, I'd already written a book once, so I was like, Okay, I got that one down, I'll have to try. And I remember I was when I was starting to put together my private practice, you know, and put the website and all that, my coach and mentor. I thought I would be slick and mention, ⁓ I'm gonna start podcasts, right? Like and thinking he would not Even think anything about it, right? ⁓ next meeting, how's that podcast going, Max? And I'm like, I'm learning how to do this, right? So he let me go. And then ⁓ it was like I want to say a few weeks before he passed of COVID in 2021, we met again and he asked that a question. And this gentleman never cussed, but he's like, How's that podcast coming, Max? And I Well, I'm learning how to edit. So I and all of a sudden, acting, Max. Perfect doesn't mean done. Just do it. And I was like, okay. That's a coach. Yeah. And I said, ⁓ You're my first guest. And he was my first guest. And here I am over 220-something episodes later because right, I listened to what he said, right? I was trying to be a perfectionist, having excuses. That would have been like my, you know, getting sober. Like, are you sober today? ⁓ no, you know what? I gotta try this drink first and then I'll come back later. Or I gotta try this drug. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. You know what I mean? I would have gave excuses and I I I'm glad he pushed me to ⁓ to do this because I wouldn't be here with you guys today having this wonderful conversation about not only recovery and and you know, marriage and helping others, but just Having two friends like you, you know, that are out there trying to help other people live a better life. And ⁓ because that's the kind of people I like to hang out with now. You know, that's so if you're listening and and there's something on your heart that is big and scary that you need to do, what we need the most, we resist the most. So rip the bayonet off and do it scared. That's what I tell my people. Rip the band off, do it scared, run towards fear. That's what we do. Well, the becoming is in the doing. And so I think society's got it backwards. They think they've got to, you know, study and do this and prepare and and get everything right. And then they're sc so scared to actually take action and step out on faith. But where the magic happens is in the unknown. It's in the unknown. And it's the doing. Like you the reveal is the best part. It's jumping into that scared. Like when I first started my business in two thousand five. I didn't know what that looked like, but I just did it. And it was the most freeing experience ever. Like I was scared to death. Like scared of rejection, scared of how am I gonna do this? You know, how many I it I did you but I didn't know. Right. And that's the cool thing is like you get to figure it out along the way. Like you get to make mistakes because if you don't, you don't learn. You don't learn how to pivot. Like that's the fun spot, you know, like the fun part is when You just step into the unknown and let it evolve. Of course, you know, you gotta take action, but you know, there's part that you don't know that's that's coming and it's and it lands. Like when you learn it hard, it sticks. Right? ⁓ That's what I love, right? Like Napoleon Hill, like when I read his book, like for instance, talk about going out on faith, right? His right-hand man, I I can't even remember his name now, but he wanted to be like Thomas Edison's right hand man. So he left home with the clothes on his back, jumped on a train, snuck on a train, went out to Thomas Edison, walked in his office, right? And said, I'm gonna be your right hand man. And this and said, ⁓ really? All right, I'm gonna have you do this, right? And he knew, so he started at the bottom. But this guy ended up being because what he thought about became, right? Like every you know, he he found his purpose. And is if you've ever read it, right? We talk, I've done it. Yeah. Deafness of purpose. Right. This I think me doing that ten years ago has led me to this moment, right? And things keep like for me in my career as a substance abuse counselor, every job got better, bigger places, you know, more responsibility. Right. And they always say, watch what you pray for. But I, you know, but I always say, watch you know, if you want patience, don't pray for it. Right. Let me tell you, God will give it to you, but you're not gonna like how he does it, right? But I love that, Chris, because, you know, if if we just put our minds, if we you know, you can have I'm not saying you can't have it, right? You can have big goals and big dreams, right? But like you guys are saying, like if you can break it down into simple steps every day, you'll get there, right? But what happens, I think you guys agree too. We put those big goals out there, we don't have a plan and then we don't get it and we get down on ourselves and we're like, Well, I don't wanna do that then. That sucked. Right. Right. But Right. Like little do they know, right? They're part of my team for being on as guests today, right? Cause these are my community. These are the people that I love, right? 'Cause you know, I have some big goals, I'm getting some big guests. And some of you know, like like what you guys are doing, like Andy Purcell is one of my favorites, right? Yeah, he's brutal, like he tells it like it is. But I hear, you know, when I heard his journey, right, where he says, My first ten years in business, I only made fifty thousand dollars. You know, when I would I was just getting into being an entrepreneur, I'm like, Wow, sh shoot. I don't wanna do that, right? Like, that's I I'm I'm forty something years old. I don't want to take that long. But if you listen to the story, right, he talks about you just don't quit on yourself, which you guys have talked about. You haven't quit on yourselves, you haven't quit on each other, and you have found a way to make this work and not just work, but to thrive in your marriage and and have a great life, right? 'Cause I mean, it's kind of like ridiculous how much we are into each other. I mean, that's what that's what comes with like when you really learn when you work on yourselves and you ⁓ the sobriety definitely helps, but we're constantly working on ourselves and then when we come together we get to share the journey of personal development and connection as true and genuine. Yeah. Yeah, and that's not coming from ego. That's coming from lived experience because we've had the suck on the other side. Yeah. And she's right. With fact we we had that very conversation this morning. It's like we try to outgive each other, you know? unconsciously, where, you know, every time I compliment her, it makes her want to do more. Every time I champion her, it makes her rise up. Right. And the same for me. When she champions me, it makes me want to do better. And so we're constantly back and forth. And that's what you know, any of your listeners who are kind of in that struggle right now, that's what you get to look forward to if you keep fighting. Like it's she's not kidding, like it's kind of ridiculous kind of what we got going on right now. But but we used to fight really bad. ⁓ yeah. So like physically, verbally. I would like want to divorce them, every things, right? I mean, yeah. So we if we can come from that to where we are by working on ourselves. ⁓ anybody can do it. Anybody absolutely well that's like I said, and he one of the things he says that I love is he goes, the best revenge on anybody or any situation or anybody, any person is personal excellence. If you if you work on being the best you can be, no one can say anything bad. They can, but it won't matter because you're the one doing the work and you're the gonna see the results, right? And Yeah, well, we know. Like, look at all the greats out there. I I and I what I mean, like Steve Jobs, right? He focused on being the best, you know, computer guy or whatever in the world, right? And then there's like all the other guys, like Jeff Bezos, right? Started out in a little room in his house. Look at he's like the richest dude in the world, right? But that's a kind of focus if you're listening, everybody is what they're talking about, right? You keep doing things every day and you keep refining it, you keep getting better. And you take the lumps once in a while, right? Because, you know, it's the same thing. I relate to you guys. Like my wife and I are each other's best friend, right? And it keeps getting, you know, we have our struggles, and usually it's me because I'm not doing what I said I was gonna do, but I'm learning that, you know what I mean? But and all, you know, in reality, like she is my best accountability partner, right? And I don't get mad if she goes, Hey, I see you doing this. You need to switch this up or you know, and she doesn't get mad if I go, you know what, I think you should do this because I think this might make you feel better if you try this. Right. And I think we're like I always say I'm in the married up club, right? Because I have someone that loves me despite my past, despite my insecurities, despite my failures, right? They got my back one hundred percent. And that's what I hear with you guys, right? You guys have each other's backs and that's why it's such an honor and you know, I kept pushing you guys. When are you guys coming on? When you guys when are you guys coming on? Hello, Car. I I'm waiting. Right. But I knew, you know, hey, life happens, right? And I'm glad you guys are here. But well, we didn't really get to get into a lot of it, but we share very vulnerably on social media. We live our lives out loud and we share everything to give others hope and to see let them know what's possible and to share our journey of what what we're actually going through and how we're going to overcome. ⁓ I wrote about it in the book, but we also that's what we use our social media platform for. Yep. Yeah. See? And that's how you gotta do it sometimes. Live out live it large. Live it loud and large. Like like recovery. Like I have no qualms with people are on Facebook going, you know, I've got a year sober clean from hero. You know, like I'm like I'll be your biggest cheerleader. Yes. Right? Because a lot of the times I'm still in the, you know, and I will always be the one who fights to break that stigma, right? Because if you ask people, I ask people, I like one day I asked someone, goes, You're you're a recovery drug addict? I Yeah, I used to stick a needle in my arm all the time. And they go, No way. No way. I go, Yeah, I can show you a picture. And I saw you a picture of my book. I go, that's and then they go, holy moly. And I Yeah. See, if you want to change. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Yeah. And find the people that are going to support you. Right. But not only in the good time, but like we've all talked about today, right? That are going to kick you in the butt and go, hey, you're going left. You need to come back right and get back on track. Right. Because we need that support. Right. And ⁓ so that leads me to the question. And Tiffany kind of answered it already, right? We're going to start with fearless. What does fearless I don't care who goes first, right? But what does fearless mean to you guys today and how does that show up in your life on a daily basis? I already went so No, you go ahead. I want to hear you how you go. So so we well, I emphasize running towards fear. So fear to me now, I I can't say I have true fear that paralyzes me anymore. So Fear to me looks like a growth opportunity, something I want to step in that's into that's going to make me better. And I wouldn't say I'm fearless, but I fear does doesn't paralyze me anymore. I love it. Well, I know how to recognize it in my body and I know how to tell myself that I am safe and ⁓ I've learned ways to combat the physical feeling that fear can bring. And I have enough evidence in my life of doing things scared and how it worked out for me. And that's what I tap into. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Well, I think ⁓ you know, it's just an indicator, not a dictator. Yeah. You know, fear used to run my life. fear of all types of things. And so When when I when I feel that feeling come on, I have done enough personal development work to understand that's a little light going off and saying, Okay, what definition do I want to place on this? 'Cause I get to choose. And so whenever a moment comes up and I feel that in my body, I I'm in tune with it now. I know that sounds kind of cheesy, but you get to become that way if you do enough work. You can literally feel it, shut it down, be the observer in your mind and go, okay, what is this communicating to me? Right. And what do I get to look forward to when I face it? Right. I love it, right? 'Cause not everybody has that switch, right? Like I know us do, you know, and that's why I I brought you guys on here because I want people to be able to go, ⁓ I love what they said, right? Like Okay, I'm afraid, but I'm gonna do it anyway because I'm gonna learn one, learn something from this situation. And two, it's gonna make me a better person for doing it. Right. Yeah. And then worst case scenario, play it all the way out. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen? Because if usually it's not that bad, you're probably not gonna die. Well, and we always attach this story, this narrative to this feeling of fear. And here's the truth it's very rarely true, right? Maybe even one percent or less. And every time I have stepped into that, it's always benefited me. Every time. Well, here's my thing. I said when you do what you're talking about, both of you, enough, you're not gonna be fearless, but you're gonna learn to fear less. Right? And then courage kind of takes over and and you go, ⁓ Right, 'cause one day I'll do it just to try it again. But I will I maybe not two hours of stare running, but I will try it again. Because I want to get on Facebook and go, Tiffany, I did it for at least thirty minutes. Well, I have a traumatic experience for that. Just real quick, you guys. So I was ⁓ I went went to school to get my firefighter one certification. Right. I wanted to be a fireman when I was my first marriage. And we lived exactly a mile from the high school that had stadiums, right? So one day they had locked the gate. So I climbed the fence. I get up there and I do my 20 or 30 minutes, right? And I was climbing back over and I slipped and fell into the bushes. Let's just say I got lucky that one of those didn't go somewhere it shouldn't have been, right? The branches of the bush and so I cut myself up from like my buttocks all the way down behind my knees. I'm bleeding, right? And I'm going, I had to run home, right? I didn't have a cell phone at the time and I'm running home and I'm sweating and I'm going, ⁓ this is getting worse. And then I show my wife and she says, jump in the shower, I'll have clean it up. And I'm like, But anyway, that's you know, that's why I when I think of stadiums, I I don't know why I think about that, right? Because not every place locks up their stadiums that you can go in there and go do it. But ⁓ my hats off to you, Tiffany. I that's one thing I love about you is that. When I see that, I'm like, man, like see, I I tell friends, I go, That's what you need to do, right? You may not do as ⁓ long as her, but do something that's gonna make you uncomfortable. Yeah. Right. So let's cook Max right quick. Max, you're allowing one past experience to dictate your present and future. Now another question for you. Have you ever walked up a set of stairs since that time? I do it every day 'cause our downstairs. We gotta go down. You're good. Right. Yeah. ⁓ I mean, but that's how trauma is stored in your body. It's a real thing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you remember, Tiffany, but when you were on last time when I when you were doing that running, I said, You know I give pro bono counseling to people that run like that, right? Like there's something wrong with you guys. But like I was telling those Peace Brothers, I go, Hey, I give free pro pro bono counseling. And it was funny, Kyle, who the one with cerebral palsy, says, Wow, I I don't need but my brother might need it because he's the one that's pushes me or pulls me. Yeah, well I just use my my crazy, I've just turned it into something else. Use my powers for good. All right. There you go. That will lead us in the next question. Happiness. And you guys well, Tiffany knows I put a Y in it. Now, Chris, knowing I put a Y in happiness, what does that mean to you and how does that show up in your life on a daily basis now? Wow, that's a great question. Happiness. Well, I think ⁓ happiness is something we get to choose. Okay, because the world is and life is gonna continually come at you, no matter what. I mean, even when Tiffany and I are doing all the things and checking all the boxes, there's still moments in time where a curveball is thrown. Like we were talking earlier about my family dynamic. Like, what? Whoa, what like you are even shocked, like I know these people, what in the world? And so happiness is something we get to choose. ⁓ it's not like a destination, right? Like you get the opportunity to like we've all like we've been talking this whole time, to attach a definition to it. And so when when something like that happens, you can either choose to allow it to control you or you can learn learn from it. And then what helps t helps stick for Tiffany and I is not only do we learn it, but we try to pass it on to other people. Because we know that there's so many people out there that are hurting and broken. Whether it's individuals or couples who come to us and and and just like, hey man, we want this connection. How do we build that happiness? Right. And so we get the opportunity to teach them what that looks like. I love it. So I don't know if that answered your question, but ⁓ Absolutely. That's how that's how I look at it. Right. I love it. I love it. Well, that will lead me into ⁓ asking you guys if So we I've ha we could keep going, right? 'Cause I could sit here and talk to you guys all day long. I know, I know. I think our kids are hungry. Yeah, it's been a great I know you're a couple hours ahead, so they're probably going, I wanna eat, mom and dad. Like hurry up. But I wanna ask you guys okay, ⁓ audience members out there, men, women, or whatever couples out there are listening and they want your help. How do they get a hold of you? Yeah. So I I love what you do with this podcast and and I see what you post on Facebook, always trying to lift people up and you have this mission. So we want to give back to your audience too. And this is kind of crazy, but I want to do it. So we're we're offering a recovery reset strategy call. Okay. So this is a one on one call. And if you are, you know, a woman and are wondering like what's next for recovery because I've I've helped some people who have come out of recovery and they're like, Okay, now it's time for me to level up. I need some direction, some guidance. What's next? ⁓ I wanna do a Zoom with you. No pressure. Just just I wanna give you some clarity, support, maybe just have a conversation about what next steps could be because sometimes you don't know what you don't know. And then for us together, we really have ⁓ wanted to reach more couples that maybe need to overcome what we have already overcome. And we wanna offer the same Zoom for couples. So all you have to do to get it on Facebook, I it I'm Tiffany Owen on Facebook. You just have to DM me the word reset and I will reach out to you and ⁓ we'll get that set up. And then Chris Well, and and Instagram, I'm Coach Tiffany Owen. You can also DM me the word reset. I'll know exactly where it came from because I'm just doing it for this show. And ⁓ my website is coach Tiffany Owen dot com. And then my book, Wounded to Warrior, you can get it on Amazon. And this is my my story, but it's also tools that I use for with my coaching of how I overcame a victim mindset. And ⁓ I'm on Facebook, Chris Owen. Facebook, I got the little blue check mark. I'm meta certified or whatever you do. No S. It's O W. Yeah. C H R I S O W E N, if it helps. Longview, Texas. I'm Chris Owen298 on Instagram. I love it. Well, like I said, you guys, I knew this would be off the charts. Awesome. I love you guys. This has been a great time. Thank you for joining me today. But as Tiffany found out, right, you guys are not. quite off the hook just yet. Now I get to ask you my favorite question that I ask of all my guests. And it goes like this, and you can answer it in any order. But Chris and Tiffany, what is the one piece of advice you could give my audience to help them grow as human beings and become better people? What? Go ahead. So I'm a smart man. Well we didn't talk about today and and I I want to touch on it and I'll end with this integrity with yourself, having integrity with yourself, following through with the commitments that you make to yourself or how is is the basis of self-worth and self-love and self-discipline. And create so this is a tool that I'll I'll give you. Create what we call a power promise. And that's one promise, one commitment that's very small. Because we got to start somewhere. And most people don't have integrity with themselves. They do everything for everyone else. But when it comes to themselves, they have good intentions, but they don't follow through. And then your self-worth just gets lower and lower. So to combat this, a what we call a power promise, something very small. It could be drinking water first thing in the morning, making your bed, brushing your teeth, but start with one thing that you can do even on your worst day. And follow through with that, and then you build, and then comes self-worth and self-love and ready with yourself. Love that. I love it. All right. So if I could give your listeners one piece of advice, it was the greatest gift I ever gave myself as permission to think differently. You don't have to know where it takes you. You don't have to know how to do it. You just start by giving yourself permission to think differently. And acknowledge that your current way of thinking isn't moving into the person you desire to be. Like Wayne Dyer says, be open to everything and attached to nothing. Yeah, I love it. Everything and attached to nothing. I love it. Well, like I said, this has been a great time. I love it. I knew you guys I knew you guys were gonna kill it. Thank you. ⁓ again, thank you for being here. You know, I'm so grateful that you guys took me up on this. But you heard them, everybody. If Chris and Tiffany made you think. If they taught you something, if they made you smile and my famous, if they made you go, hmm, I like that. Please go to iTunes and leave a five-star review so where people can find the podcast. And come join me now on my new YouTube channel. Come like and subscribe so you can actually see and hear us have this conversation. Yes. Again. Thank you, everybody. Good morning, good afternoon, or good ⁓ evening wherever you are in this world. Thank you. This is Matt from the Fearless Happiness Podcast. Until next time. Are you tired of being weighed down by life's traumas and struggles? Join the Fearless Happiness Lifestyle and let us guide you toward a brighter future. Explore our past podcast episodes and get a copy of the Fearless Happiness book to ignite your inner strength. If you or someone you love is battling addiction or facing challenges related to unresolved trauma, know that we are here for you. Visit maxnates.org, M-A-X-N-I-J-S-T.org, and take the first steps toward finding your fearless happiness. Thank you for listening. This has been a production of Fearless Happiness.